Can You Talk To Your Ex

hurtbaeSo a friend of mine tagged me in this post on Facebook about two exes talking to each other in a room and sitting across from one another. (Link at the bottom) It was an honest conversation between two young people about what happened to their relationship. With him cheating, her finding out and him confessing to sleeping around, almost brought me to tears. (I know, me in tears? Not this cold heart witch) If you could sit down with your ex to talk about what went wrong, would you?

For me, it would be hard. With my ex-husband, I don’t know if we honestly could. From the time I was 18 to when I was 26, I spent my life with a man who I thought I would die with. I was so in love with him. If I sat across from him to ask what happened, the question wouldn’t be why did you cheat on me? I know the answer to that, you ain’t shit. But my question would have been, why wasn’t I good enough for you?

I spent so much of my marriage trying to be the best wife I could be to make him happy and it was like we were both never satisfied. I reached a few points when I gave up but I came right back and he did the same. It was like a tug and war of loving and hurting each other that ultimately ended. I remember our last few nights together. It was after we separated and had our own apartments at this point. We had a couch we never sat on in our old house. (We watched TV in our bedroom, never in the living room) But in my apartment, I remember we laid on the couch together. Me on top and him on the bottom, just cuddling. He made a comment saying, “All this time we had this couch and never sat on it and now we did it and it feels right.” We signed divorce papers a few days later. I can’t describe how painful that time was for me to let him go. I sympathize for the girl because she wasn’t ready to let him go,

unnamed-1When I watched this video of these young people, I questioned if I could even face the answer of what went wrong. Sometimes we want to know what happened, other times we somehow make peace with it wasn’t meant to be. However, if I sat across from my ex-husband, could I handle his response? In my mind, he was so wrong and didn’t fight for us and broke us and while I’ll admit to my own faults, much of the blame would be on him. Human nature tells us to protect ourselves. So if he sat and told me everything that made him stray, could I handle it or would I reject it? Would it be too painful to accept your ex’s truth about you? 

If you want to know what I think about the two young, broken couple, it’s simple. They were young. He was immature and didn’t understand how his actions would inevitably hurt someone he will later regret ruining things with. And the girl, also young, will now understand her worth or should understand her worth and will learn to love herself first. When you love yourself first, you don’t put up with someone destroying you the way he did. Best of luck to both. Aren’t they beautiful?

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