Face My Body: Mammograms

Mammographiy view in progressA few weeks ago I went for a checkup at the doctor’s office and she found a little lump in my breast. This was the same lump from 6 months ago. Because of my family history, she wanted me to get a mammogram. The only problem is I’m too young to have one. She ordered it anyway and said she just “needed to make sure” it wasn’t something she was overlooking.

So I went and got my mammogram scheduled a few days later. I’m thinking they are going to lay me on the table or I go through some loud CT scan machine. I have no idea. I just know I can’t wear any lotions or deodorant. Boy was it nothing like I expected. First of all, you have to stand up and undress from the top up. They put stickers on your nipples that do not feel good when you are ready to take them off. Then they put your tittys in a plate thing machine and squeeze! I am not kidding, I had to sit my titty on top of some intimidating machine and the tech told me to hold my breath and put one hand behind my head. Then they literally squeezed my breast like it was in a waffle maker. I had to do it to both breast and boy was I unhappy. I not only felt violated but was also in pain. This is the best they can do to detect breast cancer!?

After all this, a few days later I get a call that I needed to come back because they saw something. I just knew I had cancer and prepared myself for the worst. I would be one of the few under 30 who got breast cancer. I prepared my speech at conventions. I picked out the earrings I would wear once I went bald. I even was prepared to start a wordpress blog with donations for my treatments. I was terrified.

picture-of-a-woman-getting-a-mammogram-400-266-18The second appointment was even worst. Not only did I not go to the place where I first went, but this time I was on the other side. There was nothing but a bunch of little old ladies who looked at me with sympathy and kept saying it was going to be alright. I was a mess. Then came the scanning. This time they wanted to harass just one tit. So here I am brave face, ready for them to squeeze my tits again. This machine was worse than the first one. Before I put my breast on top of something, this time I put it between something and boy did they squeeze. It was in so much pain that I wanted to scream at the nurse who acted like I was getting a massage. The worst part was the radiologist kept saying he couldn’t see what he wanted so I had to get my titty squeezed three times. Eventually they asked me to do an ultrasound. I didn’t know they could do one on your breast but they can do one anywhere.

The ultrasound was the most gooy, messy experience. The dumped the ultrasound stuff all over my breast and searched and searched. The radiologist came in and said, “Great news! It was nothing. You are healthy and good to go! See you in about 11-12 years.” Then he left and I had to clean off the goo. When I walked out I was relieved. I kissed my tits twice and called me mom.

My pastor told me, sometimes when these things happen, God is trying to get your attention. He wants you to see something. I think God wanted me to be careful about how I was going to Face My Body. There are things I want to be able to do and I have to take care of the one body I have. When I tell you I was terrified, I was terrified. I have been losing weight but the eating is still a struggle. Once thing for sure is my eating habits are my biggest priority. Enough is enough, this scare was enough to refocus me on Facing My Body.

Cooking some kale…


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