While scrolling through Instagram, I saw a quote that said you never really get over someone you really loved, you learn to live without them and the thought of not being with them. I paused for a second. I thought about my ex-husband and thought, uh.. yeah I’m over that motherfawka! But then I paused again. As messed up as how my marriage ended, I didn’t have an awful relationship for the entire 8 years. Sure there were troubled parts, jacked up parts and I can’t believe I stayed with this man parts but sometime, after my divorce, I remembered something my mother said about hating someone. She said in order to hate a person you had to have love them. I was so adamant about not loving this man that I refused to hate him. But why?
I did recognize that I hated what the marriage did to me, what he did to me and what we ultimately did to each other. I hated the bad parts but couldn’t hate the good. It’s been so long since I was with him that I can’t rehash every good thing but I have one memory of us, in Boston, before we got married. We were coming from somewhere, probably one of his shows, and in such a good mood. The windows to the car were down, the song by Neyo “Sexy Love” was blasting and we were cruising down Tremont St. singing the song over and over again. I used to think whenever I heard that song, I would think of him and be upset but whenever I hear that song, I just want to sing and feel happy. Because, at the time, when I heard the song, I was happy and crazy in love. I liked that feeling of joy and freeness and that isn’t something I want to ever get over. That’s the part we never let go.
So are we ever over exs? We get over the bad times, heartbreaks, and arguments. We even get over the feeling of not trusting them, the pain of them hurting us, the guilt of us hurting them, and just things that drove us crazy. But the love, the love is something I don’t think is humanly possible to get over. Our minds, in order to keep our sanity, have to purge the bad or we can’t move forward. But we can’t purge the person, because at some point real love existed there. And why not leave it there, the good parts. That doesn’t mean we have to go back and make new memories, it just gives meaning as to why we never really get over someone we truly loved. What do you think? Sound off in the comments!
Continuing my scroll…