Alright, so I took a break from talking about relationships because I wasn’t in one and believe me I’ll soon tell you about my dating madness and ex in another post. As I take a break from grading, I find myself quite perplexed these days. So I’m dating someone new, I mean dating for over 100 days and we are in an official, dare I announce it to my B Girls??? Yes, I’m in a RELATIONSHIP! **faints**
I remembered vowing in 2015 that I would be single for two years and I got close. I decided because my ex was shit and crazy that I would cut down my time with him by 6-8 months; therefore, I have been single for two years. Check out my math! Anyway, so I’m with this new guy, cool guy, nice guy, great guy and we are getting along just great. My girlfriends asked me, has he said it yet? I lean in… I’m like say what? They’re like… the L word. **Faints again**
So 100 days in and we are supposed to be in love? I admit there are times when I feel like I love him but not like that LOVE LOVE, you know what I mean? I love how he is, his laid back personality even his really sweet gestures to make me smile. But am I in love? Am I even still capable of love? I do like him! So here is the conflict. I’m pretty great, why doesn’t he love me? So I asked him and he blatantly spit out, “Why would I love you?” Talk about a slap across the face! I don’t think I even hid my shock. So fuck me loving him, I am obsessed with why he doesn’t love me! Fuck you mean Why? Cause I’m great!
So my cold little heart got a new layer of ice. Reason 1246748654651 why falling in love is a no-no for me. But damn… he said why would I? Just repeating it gives me heart palpations. While I recover, I emotionally ate yesterday, which I haven’t done since last year. (I know it’s February but so what). I’m back on my veggie lifestyle diet. I lost 16 pounds and I plan on losing more so… let me get my shit together. I hope everyone is having a better hump day than I am. Enjoy being in love you lovers out there!
Questioning my loving existence,