I’ve learned, when you are going through something, it’s better to quiet yourself down before you speak. People are so quick to offer advice about your house when their own house is on fire. While I know the need to vent, especially for women, is important, clear your mind first. Before you start rehashing a situation to anyone, make this important decision first, is this person going to be there for you as you go through your shit?
This summer I’ve lost a few friends. Some of them may not know it yet but the silence of my voice and absence of my phone number popping up as an incoming call will be the indication soon enough. It’s been a rough summer and I’m noticing it’s been rough for a lot of people, shout out to my people! What I’ve noticed is some people, who knew I was going through a tough time, called in to hear the story but never called to follow up. I’m not usually surprised at the selfishness or coldness of human beings but I noticed for damn some bitches got ghost the second I wasn’t the good time girl anymore. I’m not talking about fly by night friends, I’m talking people that were in my life and I talked to regularly, was there for them regularly, went out of my way to be there for them. It taught me something hard.
I’ve learned, and I guess I’ve always known this, that we really can’t expect people to respond to our situations how we want them to respond and sympathize to our situations. In fact, that saying “treat others how you would want them to treat you” is bullshit. Just because you are nice to someone doesn’t mean they’re going to return the gesture. It should be, be kind but be cautious. It was a tough lesson to learn again but parts of me had to know certain people wouldn’t be there when it rained.
At the same time, this summer was rough on so many people that I know me, as a helpful person, was not helpful to anyone this summer. When you’re really going through it, you don’t know who else is fighting a battle. They might not seem like they are there for you but try to remember all the other times they were. All the times they did come to your house, call to follow up, check on you. If the one time you really need them and they didn’t come through, toss them a pass. The other mofos, who literally dashed, leave them right where they are. I’m not saying cut them off completely, some might need to get their walking papers, but ease off considering them your friend.
Hitting Ignore on my phone…